Barbara Lawlor
NEDERLAND

    Wow.
    It was huge. If anyone thought the novelty of Frozen Dead Guy Days was winding down, they were rethinking that thought last weekend.
    It is estimated that up to 10,000 people paid homage to Nederland’s cryonically frozen Norwegian grandfather Bredo Morstol who was stranded here 15 years ago. As Ned’s internationally famous frozen person snuggled into his dry ice bed on Saturday, First Street in Nederland became the Mardis Gras of the West in his honor.
    The Ninth Annual FDGD, organized by Amanda MacDonald and the Nederland Chamber of Commerce, was bigger and better than ever, offering visitors a variety of entertainment and family events. Kids and dogs and costumed revelers basked in the 50-degree sunshine, consuming pizza and beer, rice krispie cakes and hot dogs as they strolled downtown, shedding their cold weather clothes.
    And business owners smiled.
    It wasn’t all warmth and comfort, however. The opening ceremony on Friday night was held at the Nederland roundabout during a bitter cold blizzard. As Chamber of Commerce president Kim Stefane and Amanda MacDonald cut the ceremonial ribbon, ice flakes slammed spectators’ faces squinched down into their scarves.
    The Nederland High School skeleton dancers shivered their bones through the large flakes and got the blood to racing hot as the crowd cheered them on. The Nederland Police Department directed traffic for the event, the beginning of what was to become a long weekend of telling vehicles where to go.
    
THE BLUE BALL

    Later Friday night, the Grandpa Bredos and IceQueens swarmed to the Black Forest Restaurant where the Great American Taxi set the house rocking out. If it was cold outside, it was nice and warm on the dance floor.
    There were 11 icy female contestants and three chilled men, vying for the Montbel jackets that were the first prize. Although announcer Blue Hessner had a microphone attached to speakers the roar of the crowd was louder as the competitors answered dead guy questions and stoked their fans to scream their support.
    Decked out in long, white dreadlocks, high boots, frosty capes, personal lighting effects and lots of white makeup, the women cavorted in a line in front of the crowd. Ina Martin of Golden and her friend Larelle Mansfield said, “We are here because it’s the best party of the year and it’s a tradition for our friends all over the Front Range. Now we can embrace our inner 21-year-olds.”
 Annie Burton of Eldora was the glowing green alien. She said she has been to every single Blue Ball since it began and she decided to enter the contest. “Mom’s going to do it,” she told her kids as she concocted a costume of duct tape and stickers and green lights.
    The female contestants were all asked three questions, such as: What does grandpa wear, boxers or briefs? "Nothing!" shouted the crowd.
    If you were frozen who would you want to be sharing a casket with? Definitely "Johnny Depp."
    Conan or Leno? "Conan."
    And then the question, If aliens landed in Nederland, would anyone notice?
    The contestants were judged by the crowd, giving voice to their approval and the final winner was Heather Dalton of Nederland, who said she made her own costume and recently won the Hooker’s Ball costume contest at the Pioneer Inn.
    Three straggly, barely cognitive, hollow-eyed old gents hobbled to the judging area and teetered as Hessner interviewed them. Last year’s winner Dave was philosophical; Peter was kind of comatose and Tom Gornik from Little Canada, Minnesota was riveting in his cold gaze. He said he was here last year and this year, because he was turning 40, decided he had to win the contest.
    Gornik chose celebrating in Nederland over the warmth of a Jimmy Buffet concert. “Fun over sun,” he said, and then, after being declared the winner, went for the fun.
    The Grandpa Lookalike and the Ice Princess are traditionally the Grand Marshall’s in the FDGD Parade.
    
THE PARADE

    A steady of stream of traffic flowed into Nederland, clogging the highway, leaking onto sidestreets and lining Boulder Canyon for miles. The First Street Pub and Grill filled with people famished for the Nederland Area Seniors’ annual Pancake Breakfast of eggs, sausage, pancakes, coffee, the works. Locals began to get an idea of what was coming for the rest of the day as they sold $1,600 worth of breakfast in a few hours, the biggest turnout ever.
    On Sunday, they added another $700 to that amount and were ready to go home. First Street became a wall of people until announcer Dave Felkley parted a tunnel through the middle when the first of the parade entries could be seen heading up the hill.
    Every year grim looking vehicles from the Denver Hearse Association add their inevitable prediction to the parade with a display of vintage hearses. Members of the Zombie Emergency Response Operations, Josh Dees, Kita Arguello, Jami Windecker, Mickey Windecker and Richard Seymour, in full Mad Max regalia, drove the flaming turret hearse this year.
    Announcer Felkley stopped people on the street to find out why they came to this odd event. One woman said she was with the Grey Wolves from Denver and they had 100 people in their group. There were a couple of Tiger Wood floats featuring large chested women and golf clubs.
    The Coffin Race teams displayed their crafts while they were still intact and local non-profits joined in the fun with their alpacas, their dogs, their kids, their squirt guns and their dances.
    This year’s parade was so long, it didn’t even have to go around twice. The crowd then dissipated and began the bottleneck towards Chipeta Park. Local law enforcement officers worked the intersection at First Street and the highway. Like lava flowing down a hillside, the crowds oozed through the pedestrian bridge and along the creek to the Kids Fishing Pond.

THE POLAR PLUNGE

    With the rays of the March sun creating a sense of warmth over the two-feet thick ice covering the pond, over 40 brave hearts were convinced that jumping into the water hole would be not as harsh as usual. They were right. Most Polar Plungers said it wasn’t bad, not as breathtaking as previous years, when the wind added bite to the cold.
    There were belly flops and cannonballs and hold-the-nose jumpers as well as flippers and sliders. When local dance teachers Jennifer Turco and Jack Turner danced their way down the green carpet, they received a roar of approval from the thousands of people perched on the hillside overlooking the pond. They continued their dance towards the shore and a large, black poodle/Chesapeake mix dog began dancing along with them.
    The chant came loud and spontaneous, “We want the dog! We want the dog!” What’s the owner to do but release the leash and throw a stick into the hole. The poodle didn’t hesitate and plunged into the murky mess as surprised Nederland Fire Protection District firefighters helped push her up onto the ice. She shook it off nonchalantly. It was a first for the firefighters.
    Maddie is six years old, said her owner Laurie Seville of Frederick, and loves water. “We did it for grandpa,” said Laurie.
    
THE COFFIN RACES

    And now the real event began. With dumptruck loads of snow hauled in from Eldora, the course of slush was formed. In and through the Chipeta Park Playground, the teams had to carry their coffin and a rider in the timed race. Forty teams signed up for the competition, a new record. The teams took off in pairs, jostling for the lead, running over the backs of their opponents should they go down.
    The Chinese Fire Drill usually left a few participants rolling around on the ground. One person had to be helped off the course to recover. In the final straightaway, if the coffin was still intact, all the rider could do was close his or her eyes and pray they made it to the finish. Some athletes were dragged. Some crawled.
    Shortly after the race began, it had to be halted  when about 50 people were ordered off the pavilion roof by the fire department. This was a first. They were reluctant to go. The crowd was then asked to refrain from pelting the racers with snowballs. It took Nederland Police Department officer Brian Repp to squash that potentially dangerous activity. It was all in fun however and the race went on.
    After the first round, HINI, Six Pack, Who You Gonna Call, Nordic Nerds, Rise and Shine, Pink Socks and Geeks and Sneaks were in the semi-final run.
    The Ghostbusting Who You Gonna Call slammed their way over Six Pack and Pink Socks edged past Rise and Shine and in the final round, the uniformed, masked disciplined spirit seeking bunch lined up at the start against the hot pink floozies with their Target knee highs.
    It was a quick victory for the Pink Socks, Katie Alexander, the rider, Jim Cezo, Joel Weber, Jesse Capeclatro, Brian Francisco, Luke Erickson and to Yersak, all of Boulder. It was their first time to enter the contest and they say they have practiced coffin carrying for the last month on the CU campus.
    “It was a hell of a lot of fun,” They said even though one of their runners got a bloody knee at the finish.
    The Best Costume went to the Ghostbusters, the second place finishers, and the Best Team Spirit went to the local women, the Death Goddesses, who waved their greenbacks at their fans and were on their way to celebrate.     
    
    At this point, the 10,000 people at the park met the thousands of people leaving the ski area, trying to get through town. A bottleneck formed at the bridge and the four Ned police officers had their hands full, trying to keep people from getting run over on the highway and also to get a handle on the roaming beer drinkers.
    “Dump it or drink it,” officer Terry Bierwiler told people, but it was an overwhelming task.
    NPD officer Jake Adler says that, all in all, “It was controlled chaos. Our guys came through with no hitches, no major crimes, but some major traffic concerns. And we have to plan better on this alcohol stuff, maybe hire private security next year. Our biggest concern was the safety of the people walking on the highway. We loved the closing of First Street. That was a definite plus, and at 2 a.m. we took back the street. It was actually a very pleasant event with a lot more families having a good time.”
    
FROZEN T-SHIRT CONTEST

    The idea is to soak a t-shirt, put it in a plastic bag and freeze it, creating a solid chunk of iced cotton. Then you bring on a bunch of people who have to somehow get the shirt malleable enough to pull over their head. Not easy.
    The Frozen T-Shirt contest took place in front of the Pioneer Inn. There were 21 shirts for 11 women and 10 men to thaw and don. “You can stomp on it, crunch it with your heels, lick it, breathe on it, put it under your arms or between your legs. Whatever it takes,” organizer Amanda MacDonald told the contestants.
    Winners Lisa Weber from Denver and Scott Walnun from Boulder both used the "whack it on the flowerbox boards" technique to loosen the frozen folds. Walnun said he actually was able to get to the basket of shirts first and the top one had thawed a tad so he could get an edge started.
    
Salmon Toss

    One of the favorite FDGD events involves 20-30 pounds of orange/pink flesh that begins with a head and a silvery, scaled covering and ends up a headless lump of mushy meat. Gloved contestants try to get a grip, by the tail, in the mouth or at the gills, to throw the fish as far as they can.
    The contest took place on Sunday at the Sundance Café and Lodge which offers a view of the Continental Divide that is worth the slime and entry fee. On Sunday a long line of people paid for the chance to fling a fish. They tried the "through the legs and over the head technique," the sideways heft, the underarm loft, and the bounce and skid.
    Jake Bernstiel of Kentucky took first place with his all-time record breaking throw of 56 feet, 10 inches. He said he wasn’t really sure what he was doing here or how he got into this, but he thought he’d just use the fish like a Louisville Slugger and aim nice and high.
    Local Rob Zdziebkowski was second with 53.5 feet and Josh Rust was third with 47.11. In the women’s contest, Nederland’s Skimeister Champion, 15 year old Dayna Larsen had the longest throw with 36.2 feet. Megan Sweeney had 33.2 feet and Chanteil Walter had 31.6 feet. For the kids, Austin Haekle had 15.5 feet, Lauren Harrison had 14.7 and Jeremy Beaulissa, 9, had 13.4 feet.

Rocky Mountain
Oyster Eating Contest

    A long table with pitchers of water and paper cups, and three barf buckets.
    This year’s annual Rocky Mountain Oyster Eating Contest took place at the First Street Pub and Grill and attracted three rounds of famished folks indulging in deep fat fried bull private parts. Some of the contestants had entered eating contests before; some just wanted a taste.
    Local Ray Rovey and his guide dog Fox entered for the third year in a row. Rovey came in third last year and was determined he was going to eat his way to the $100 first prize. He says his dog Fox, looking for fallen oyster parts, caused him to lose last year. But it was not to be, with or without Fox.
    A-Bomb, last year’s second place winner took the first round, Thane Mills of Gilpin County beat out Ray in the second round and Kevin Mechtel, a stealthy, calm eater from Idaho, won the third round.
    Each of the men had consumed 2/3 of a pound of oysters and they faced another half pound in the finals. Mills was confident, A-Bomb was twitchy and Mechtel was calm. Mechtel recently completed his second tour in Iraq and was given an ovation for his service. In the last round, he downed the oysters, swallowing them whole followed by a gulp of water. Mills picked his apart into little pieces and A-bomb filled his cheeks. Mechtel won by three swallows and he said, “I guess I was just kind of hungry.”
    
Kids’ Events

    On Sunday, a variety of kids’ activities were set up outside the tent in Chipeta Park. Kids had their faces transformed into cool, colorful animals by Jackie Green and they got to make snow paintings and snow globes and Justin Time, the Juggling Balloon Art Fun Man, taught them the basics of keeping a bunch of balls in the air at the same time.

    As the sun set on Nederland, as the traffic thinned and threaded its way out of town, as locals breathed in the quiet dusk air, the 2010 Frozen Dead Guy Days Festival wilted into the night.

    It was the best ever.